Sonntag, 10. Jun 2007, 3:31

This time I'm going to use lines from the songs cause otherwise the shuffle seems too insane, what with never speaking complete sentences.

Me: Hey dude, what's up? Haven't seen you in a while.

Shuffle: We are simple, you are simple, life is simple too. (The Simple Song)

Me: Oh, um, OK. That's kind of weird. I…I don't really grasp the point you're trying to make there. Maybe it's because I'm simple. Not that I should feel bad about it, life is simple, too.

Shuffle: There will be a show tonight on trampoline. (Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite!)

Me: Well, I guess I'm free. When is it? What is it, even, really? Just a guy on a trampoline? That'd be too simple for a whole show. But then again, life is simp–

Shuffle: I AM TRYING! I AM TRYING! (Conduit for Sale!)

Me: Calm down, dude. Sorry. I'm not being ungrateful. I mean, I'll go. I'll go. Ok? I'll go. Trampoline show. I'll go.

Shuffle: My new friends are offering the things I never dreamed. (Boy in the Well)

Me: God damn, dude. I'm only trying to be polite. I haven't seen you in a fucking month, you show up and start belittling me. I don't care if you hang out with other people, really. You're not going to make me jealous, dude, I'm not your girlfriend or something.

Shuffle: You will be with me. We'll dance. (We Dance)

Me: Do you have a poster of me or something? What's gotten into you? If you don't start talking normal soon I'ma have to leave. I'm starting to suspect "trampoline show" is some kind of double entendre I don't want to be a part of.

Shuffle: Seems everybody wants what someone else has. (Life Worth Livin')

Me: And it seems you, sir, want my asshole. You, sir, shall not get it.

Shuffle: Some day, one day, you'll come home. (Some Day One Day)

Me: I most certainly will not! Now I'm pretty damn sure "new friends" and "things I never dreamed" are euphemisms too. I'm not going to tell you how to live, but leave me out of it. Even if it were possible, your tactics are all wrong.

Shuffle: I got tired, tired, tired of waiting. (Tired of Waiting)

Me: Yeah, that wasn't an invitation to try a different strategy. Not that desperation would work either. And the fact that you've been "waiting" certainly sheds new light on all those weirdly ambiguous things you were always saying to me.

Shuffle: All you wanna do is taste the fruit but in the back they're making fruit juice. (Show Business)

Me: Holy sh– Ok, bye. I'm not staying.

Shuffle: I count your eyelashes, secretly. (At My Most Beautiful)

Me: These are things I don't need to know! This…this really isn't going to help me sleep at night. Please, leave me alone. I'm going.

Shuffle: Bye Bye, love! (Bye Bye Love)

Me: Yeah, I'm not above getting a restraining order.

Shuffle: Go on a rapin' spree…Habeas Corpses (Draconian Love)

Me: Yeah, I'm calling the police. And running away. Fast. (I run away)

Shuffle: (calling after me) C'mon, scream, c'mon, writhe, face down in a pool of piss! (Bleed For Me)

Wow. It got genuinely disturbing at the end, there.

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