Samstag, 5. Dez 2009, 1:28

it's been so long since i've written anything. a little due to lack of trying. i just…can't seem to make myself sit down and let something move from brain to fingers. i think i get too caught up in mundane things, checking the internet for the latest download, the newest toy, the latest song, i forget how to let go and let it all unspool. i have to remind myself sometimes that there's more than just tv and video games. maybe it would help if i had my car fixed? it used to be that i could just drive whenever i needed inspiration, just plug the music in and drive to the place a steering wheel decides to take me. the good news is i'm done with the last major bill next week, and i can finally focus on getting the car fixed.

work is okay. i enjoy what i do, but not necessarily the cubicle aspect. and i have not spoken this much spanish in 10 years.

it's scary to think of how old i'm getting. i don't care, someone will tease, but it really does freak me the eff out. i was told the other night that i looked like i was 22, which is great, but i know the real number looms like some overly dramatic guillotine, neatly slicing my desires from what i've actually accomplished. i don't think i can stand another year without going back and finishing school. whatever it takes, this has to be it, this has to be the year and the time when i quit the excuses and procrastination.

and to anyone i have ever offended by not calling back, responding to an email or a text message, i'm sorry. i really am. i used to spend hours on the phone, willingly, and loving the conversation, but i just can't do it. the reasoning escapes me, but i really just. can't. do. it. text messages and emails are the same way. sometimes i genuinely don't want to talk, but often times i just neglect, until i check my phone two days later and realize in horror that i never responded.

maybe now i can get back to the sleep that's been so elusive this week.

-Ramon

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