Freitag, 20. Jul 2012, 12:40

I was cleaning out my coat closet when I came across some playlists burned onto CDs that I made in college. Funny how playlists will take you back in time. I used to spend so much time immersed in music, constructing lists that could get me through whatever was going on. I remember these four playlists were a series that was therapeutic for me. It's interesting for me to reflect on them now.

I. The October Sun and November Moon

1) Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray
never thought that you wanted to bring it down / i won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

2) How's It Gonna Be – Third Eye Blind
when i say out loud / i want to get out of this / i wonder / is there anything I'm going to miss / i wonder / how it's going to be / when you don't know me

3) Are You Happy Now? – Michelle Branch
now, don’t just walk away / pretending everything’s okay / and you don’t care about me / and i know there’s just no use / when all your lies become your truths and i don’t care

4) Best of You – The Foo Fighters
you gave me something that i didn't have / but had no use

5) He Means Nothing, Dear – Matson Jones
i haven’t seen you, dear / in half a year / actually more and / i don’t want these thoughts to be ignored

6) It's Beginning to Get to Me – Snow Patrol
i want something / that's purer than the water / like we were / it's not there now / ineloquence and anger / are all we have

7) Again I Go Unnoticed – DMW Acoustics
please tell me you're just feeling tired / cause if it's more than that i feel that i might break / out of touch, out of time / please send me anything but signals that are mixed

8) Untouchable Face – Ani Difranco
i could make you happy you know / if you weren't already / i could do a lot of things / and i do

9) Maybe It's Me
thought about the good times / and i wonder what went wrong / miscommunication? / or cause you had no faith in me / lack of inspiration? / or maybe, maybe it's just me

10) Foolish Games – Jewel
well, excuse me, guess i've mistaken you for somebody else / somebody who gave a damn / somebody more like myself

11) On Your Shore – Charlotte Martin
now i'm held hostage in my head / with every word you said / god, all those lessons in my past / i spit them out so fast / i see myself with you, i act so small

12) Leave the Pieces – The Wreckers
there's nothing you can do or say / you're gonna break my heart anyway / so just leave the pieces when you go

13) With This Knife – Smile Empty Soul
i let myself smile and feel alive / i let my walls come down / no matter how i try i don't know why / you push so far away

14) Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet? – Relient K
this didn't turn out the way i thought it would at all / you blame me but some of this is still your fault

15) Wishes – Superchick
the hardest part was getting this close to you / and giving up this dream i built with you / a fairytale that isn't coming true / you've got some growing up to do / i wish we could have worked it out / i wish i didn't have these doubts / i wish i didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now / i wish i didn't know inside / that it won't work out for you and i

II. Break My Heart

1) Let It Go – Blue October
follow me home / through the maze and on / i'll show you the road / that i led you the wrong way on

2) Fight Against the Hours – Lene Marlin
guess i'm holding onto treasures / to things that just aren't there / to people that i used to know / to words i wish to hear

3) We Might as Well Be Strangers – Keane
we might as well be strangers in another town / we might as well be living in a different world

4) I Don't Know You Anymore – Savage Garden
how do you redefine something that never really had a name?

5) Trouble Sleeping – The Perishers
it’s you / why’s it always you / and never me?

6) I Wasn't Prepared – Eisley
i wasn't prepared for this / oh, i wasn't prepared for this / when the day is blue / i'll sit here wondering about you

7) Blind – Lifehouse
after all this time / i never thought we'd be here / never thought we'd be here / when my love for you was blind / but i couldn't make you see it / couldn't make you see it / that i loved you more than you'll ever know / a part of me died when i let you go

8) Strange – Tori Amos
thought i knew you well / thought i had read the sky / thought i had read a change / in your eyes / so strange / woke up to a world / that i am not a part / except when i can play / its stranger / after all what were you really looking for?

9) I Should've Known Better – Nickel Creek
it's been a long time comin' and the cards were stacked / it's been a long hard road to hell and back / your love meant trouble from the day we met / you won every hand / i lost every bet

10) Silver Springs – Fleetwood Mac
i'll begin not to love you / turn around, see me runnin' / i'll say i loved you years ago / tell myself you never loved me, no

11) Everything Changes - Staind
if you just walked away / what could i really say? / it wouldn't matter anyway / it wouldn't change how you feel

12) You and I Both – Jason Mraz
was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me

13) What We Don't Say – Jessica Harp
i ain't gonna lie / it's unlikely that our / paths will trace a line from your heart to mine

14) I Don't Blame You – Cat Power
just because they knew your name / doesn't mean they know from where you came / what a sad trick you thought that you had to play / but I don't blame you

15) It Ain't Me Babe – Joan Baez
i’m not the one you want, babe / i will only let you down

III. Goodbye to You

1) Whatever's Left – Snow Patrol
it's the same thing again / but it could become a problem if / we don't deal with it now

2) I Was Born Without You – Tracy Bonham
i came into this world without you / i'm going out the way i came in / and in this life if i can not have you / let the roadrunner chase begin

3) What Can I Say? – Jessica Weiser
you were searching for something / i guess you didn't see it in me / everybody's searching for something / it doesn't mean you have to leave

4) It Ends With a Fall – Okkervil River
you want to cut me off / because i took too much / but don’t leave me alone

5) Luv – Travis
singing along / makes it easier for me to see you go / but in doing so / it only serves to show me / that i'm still in love with you

6) Never Love Again – Hanson
i tore up all the letters that you wrote me / i packed up all your things / but i can't stop myself from hoping / when the telephone rings

7) Lucky Me – Lisa Loeb
the time, it passes by / just think of what you’ll get when you’re past this / so is it alright if i go?

8) Torn – Natalie Imbruglia
well you couldn't be that man i adored / you don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for / but i don't know him anymore

9) Waste It All on You – Ingram Hill
broken trust can never be regained / it was never there to start / i have my reasons why / not to waste it all on you

10) Going Through Changes – Army of Me
i've been going through changes / with nothing at all

11) Iris – The Goo Goo Dolls
and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming / or the moment of truth in your lies / when everything feels like the movies / yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

12) Everything to Me – Liz Phair
i bet it makes you laugh / watching me work so hard to reach you / you never gave a damn / about all of those things i did to please you

13) Wreck of the Day
and maybe i'm not up for being a victim of love / when all my resistance will never be distance enough

14) Walking Away – Lifehouse
hey, remember me? / i remember you / walking away

15) Goodbye to You – Michelle Branch
i've been searching deep down in my soul / words that i'm hearing are starting to get old / it feels like i'm starting all over again / the last three years were just pretend

IV. Never Love Again

1) Back Where We Started – Tina Dico
as in fall the golden leaf must give in to the winds / this here tale of love is somehow meant to end where it begins

2) Now I Understand – Lisa Loeb
now i understand that my heart doesn’t stop / even though it feels like it could explode / now i understand that my heart doesn’t stop / it beats on and on and on

3) Rock Paper Scissors – Ani Difranco
it's rock paper scissors as to whether i will get over you at all / it's hand against hand and both hands are mine

4) Happy to Hang Around – Travis
and i'll never get into your heart / though i don't even want to start / i'll never get into your heart / i'm just happy to hang around

5) Rest of My Life – Rilo Kiley
and i'd be enough / and you'd be enough

6) Root – Charlotte Martin
and it went too fast and i went too far / nothing could have stopped me back then

7) Congratulations – Blue October featuring Imogen Heap
my words they don't come out right / but i'll try to say i'm happy for you

8) Tumbleweed – Joan Baez
i feel like something nobody needs / i feel my life drifting away

9) Back to California – Sugarcult
the time i waste just to say goodbye / out of your way / i could do this right / can’t see you anymore / won’t feel you anymore

10) Days Go By – Dirty Vegas
days go by and still i think of you

11) A Song to Sing – Hanson
i've never been this / longing for your loving / i've never been so / wearing down to nothing / i've never been just / looking for a reason / so maybe you've been thinking / of me

12) One More Day With You – Eisley
getting through / i wish you felt the way i do / i have changed / and i realized i was wrong.

13) In Love But Not At Peace – Dar Williams
love took a long time, it followed me here / and it landed on light feet, and it whispered in my ear / love spoke of my past as a valuable test / and smiled, and said, "she who loves last loves best."

14) A Sorta Fairytale – Tori Amos
and i, i don't / didn't think / we'd end up like / like this

15) I Know – Fiona Apple
and if it gets too late, for me to wait / for you to find you love me, and tell me so / it's okay / don't need to say it

16) Running Back – Emm Gryner
when they say it's over / it's not all over / there's still the pain

17) Never Gonna Fall In Love Again – Snow Patrol
something snapped me out of a dream that i was having / i'd fallen down an elevator shaft but now i'm back again

And now, an epilogue of sorts, Six Years Later

1) The Last Song – Charlotte Martin
you're still as a stone / i'm tough as, tough as gristle

2) Twilight – Vanessa Carlton
[and i will never see the sky the same way and / i will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and / i will never cease to fly if held down and / i will always reach too high cause i've seen, cause i've seen, twilight

3) Citadel of Stars – Iver
and until now i felt so ordinary / and until now i never knew that someone felt like me

4) The Longest Time – Billy Joel
once i thought my innocence was gone / now i know that happiness goes on / that's where you found me

5) Coming Home – Marit Larsen
somehow i knew there’d be a reason to live / through all of the maybes and ifs / that the broken dreams, hopes, hearts, promises / would lead to a moment like this

6) Love Minus Zero / No Limit – Bob Dylan
my love she laughs like the flowers / valentines can’t buy her

7) Love Somebody to Know – Hanson
i'm liberated looking in her eyes / i can't believe it / i can't believe she's mine

8) Waltz (Better Than Fine) – Fiona Apple
no, i don't believe in the wasting of time / but i don't believe that i'm wasting mine