27. Mär. 2015, 0:14

    Semi-review (no, not Sami-review :() of the new Nightwish album. This is all stream of consciousness bullshit, typos and all, that I typed out as I was listening to it, so there are no cool pictures or classic Trexacious witticisms this time.

    Mainly, this marks basically the end of an era (HAHAHA get it) where I no longer categorize Nightwish as one of my favorite bands. After listening to this album, I can't believe there was a time, albeit eight or so years ago, that NW were my very favorite band that I listened to every single day and danced around to and wrote papers about in school. (seriously.) My interest in their music has waned in the past few years, and by the time I signed up for last.fm I had mostly moved on from my obsession, but I've always considered myself a fan even if I didn't always show it. I don't know if I can do that any more. This album was such a struggle for me to get through. About a minute or two into every song I wanted to skip to the next track. That has NEVER happened with me on a NW album before. Right now, I can't say there is a single song on this album that I'd listen to again. I'm just super disappointed.

    Well, anyway, on to the stuff:

    Shudder before the Buttiful- Is this Dawkins? He don’t sound very british. Well, this is the exact motive from…. Uh… the one song that goes “all you love is a lie blah blah butterfly.” Oh wait now it’s slightly changing. I keep waiting for anette to come in then I get sad  The insturments sound “epic” but the vocal line be boring as fuck. This isnot floor’s tessitura. God tuomas stop with the fucking “ahh” choir keyboard patch. Damn, just cuz floor look like a man don’t mean she gotta sing like one (jk I don’t think she looks like a man but why is the voice part so low… it sucks) OMG is this troy’s dumb elbow pipes or a weird patch (uilleann means elbow in Irish for real lol wait my education is finally paying off?) too long of an instrumental break for such repetitiveness. I can’t understand any of these words here what? Eeveelution lol. Obligatory modulation (? Maybe… or maybe not? I guess my degree hasn’t paid off) ohh floor take it to church with them vocalizations. Oh wait it’s already over? Okay.

    Weak-ass fantasy- lol “weak…” so tuomas just goes right out and admits it. This song sounds super familiar as well. I can’t think of anything to say right here. Yeah… okay growl-y floor now kinda. Wait cockracy? Okay this is getting to the point where I just want it to be over. This song seems like with a little extra time baking in the oven it could’ve been good. Guitar break… cool, now I feel like bellydancing. I like this part, even if it does seem repetitive again. Eww is this troy or marco? or Troyco from now on because I can’t really tell them apart. Why is tuomy obsessed with breastmilk. Is it supposed to get all quiet now or wait it’s loud again. Omg we get this riff already stop. Yes, over. NEXT

    Oh, it’s Elan again. I already said I really like Floor’s voice in this (suck it) and I actually don’t dislike this song and thought it was good (but not a good single) Floor has a kind of delicace (is that a word Word says no) and hits the right words. I don’t really like the chorus on this song, it’s kind of boring and the lyrics make NO FUCKING SENSE (to my unenlightened mind, anyway. But I’m okay with that as I prefer my mental state to be as far away from tuomas’ as possible.) The second verse brings us and arpeggiated (guitar? Lol I fail) as accompaniment that I wish was present in the first verse because I like the affect (yes, affect with an A because that’s a stupid term that’s been ingrained in my mind to use from all those stupid academic papers) okay writing all that made me miss parts of the song, oh well. And, look, out friend Mr. Modulation shows up again in a fruitless, pathetic attempt to pull at our heartstrings. Tuomas, this doesn’t work when you pull it out for every other song. And, oh… there’s an extra guitar part at the end, which makes this the “album version” I suppose. Meh.

    Delicacy! I think that’s the word I was going for above (not like food though)

    Empty Hole- Wow. Spoopy. Violins. Aah choir. Wow. This also sounds super familiar. Now I can see what everyone’s saying about NW ripping off themselves. Okay, the intro can stop now. I actually kind of like this so far. Even the Troyco sounds okay, if only slightly. Wow, Tuomas, expect that cease and desist from Danny Elfman anyday now. I’m not really like the tendency of the choir parts being in “heterophony” (I’m sorry school removed my ability to talk like a normal person about stuff like this… I don’t really know how else to describe it.) with the main vocals. Lol random oboe. Sex noises? Actually I’m kinda liking this interlude more than the ones on the previous songs. Even if it is, again, repetitive. There’s that super familiar guitar riff? What song from DPP is that from? Oops, I thought it was over. Apparently not.

    Decayed Sun -Eww this sounds like a slow song. Tuomas is serving up some knockoff Depeche Mode realness with this keyboard. I hate boring ballads in general and this seems to be no exception. I really want to skip this, but my journalistic integrity (ha!) is preventing me. This is the musical equivalent of a Quaalude. Omg I’m so tired just listening to this. Guitar coming in with a lame attempt to turn this into a power ballad. My lighter will not be raised to this, sorry. That keyboard is annoying me so bad right now. Tuomas needs to pick better patches that aren’t so lame and 80s (and I love 80s music!) Floor sounds okay on this, but I expect a lot of people will call her vocals “weak” (eyeroll) I’m not even going to get into what is wrong with that descriptor because I don’t want to miss the rest of the song. Yeah, if I buy the whole album this is one that will be always skipped (Oh, hey Tuomas, but my approach to listening to music is the opposite of yours. I enjoy songs, not albums.) IS IT OVER YET DEAR GOD PLEASE. Thank you thank you thank you finally.

    Eww…. “My Walden” I hate this already based on the name. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HAYE HEYAE HAFUYSR HAUESHTGS the entire genre of Thoreau (? Dunno if I spelt that right) Whitman, and all the other lame 19th century shit Tuomas has such a hard on for. Okay, now I have to restart the song cuz I missed the first minute. Luckily it didn’t scrobble yet, as I wouldn’t want anyone to think I listened to this twice. Okay, man voices, blah blah…. Surprisingly I don’t mind it so far. And now we’ve come to the chorus. It sounds so much like the other chorus of the album so far. This needs to be over now. Uh, troy pipes again sounding so very similar to every other part they have in every other song. BORINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Wait… a transistion… and this section is boring too. Surprise. Okay blah blah, can’t think of anything to say here. I can’t tell if this one part is a fiddle or troy’s dumb pipes. I guess I kind of like this snippet though.

    Titular track- OMG POKEMON BATTLE MUSIC SOUNIN’ SHIT WHAT. Hahahahahahaha, this is too much. Ah, le tritone. The devil in music herself. I might actually like this track. If, it ever starts. What lyrics I can catch though sound annoying. Ugh, the repetitiveness in this song kills me too. It just sounds like filler; like they couldn’t think of anything else to fill what they wanted to be instrumental sections and just copied and pasted the intro. I want to skip the rest of this song so badly… must…. Resist. Two minutes left. Can I do it? The answer at 10 only on T.R.E.X. channel 0!!! Dis so boring omg, why. EDIT YOURSELVES GUISE. FINALLY YES it ends

    Enema- this music box sounding shit what. Yes, tuomas, you’ve convinced me of your ability to take a 5 second motif and turn it into a 5 minutes song. Okay, now that the vocals come in this isn’t all so bad. Dis dumb riff again WE GET IT ALREADY GEEZUM CRIPES. Why does this song also sound like it’s almost trying to be a 80s glam metal power ballad… which actually would be awesome if done right. This guitar solo… I can taste the hairspray and blush it wish it had. THOSE FUCKING PIPES AGAIN THE FUCK I’M GOING TO SET THEM ON FIRE. Just because Troy is now in the band doesn’t mean he has to play those damn pipes in every single song. They just aren’t called for in every song, and shoehorning them in just makes a mess. Ugh. GO HOME TROY NO ONE LIKES YOU.

    Älpenglöw- the intro of this song sounds promising so far. Let’s see if I’ll still enjoy it after it’s repeated 10 times. And then the guitar comes in in another awful heterophonic show of lack of ideas. This formula makes me want to not listen to the rest of the album because I can basically predict it. The vocal line isn’t bad in this one. Okay, it’s getting slightly boring now, but still I think this will be one of the better songs on the album. I like the way Floor says places. TROY FUCK YOU DEESE PIPES I CANT. I want to alpenthrow Troy off a mountain. Okay this is getting really boring now.

    Sherbet gulag- Okay, slow, slightly boring start. But not as boring as previous songs. Is this all instrumental? Boooooooooooooooring. I don’t think I can go through with this, I usually hate NW’s instrumental stuff. Wait, a voice. Male, though, so yuck. This actually isn’t that bad of a song despite the repetitiveness and manvoice. It’s a nice palate cleanser and is taking away my anxiety about sitting through the 24 minutes that are about to come. BOY SOPRANOS NOPE NOPE I’M DONE TUOMAS WHY. I was almost about to declare this probably my favorite of the album until these children voices assaulted my ears (rip wankster) Can I get through the last minute? It will be a struggle.

    “The Epic” - I’ve grown to appreciate the cello these last few years so I like the intro so far. This piano is getting on my nerves though, it’s just uninspired compostition. Wait, bombast at last. I predict 5 minutes of boringness. Quit teasing me with the vocalization, I keep expecting actual words. Okay, here are words, boring as they are. Uh, the Dawkins shit starts. Not even paying attention. And I don’t know who the guy in the first track was, because this dawkins sounds exactly as british as I imagined. And now, is this PART TWO??!? I can’t think of anything to say about this because I’m disappointed with how it feels like I’m struggling to sit through it. This all sounds so same-y I can’t even think of anything to say that I haven’t set about the previous songs. Okay, the animal sounds got my attention. What Nightwish sounds like but through instruments. That would be a scathing insult if it made any sense. I think Tuomas and his Darwin-boner are trying to say something like “we used to be monkeys banging on rocks but now we bang on fabricated instruments instead! PROGRESS.” And man voice Troyco comes in again. This section is so BORING. WAS THAT A FUCKING HURDY GURDY? Yessssssss AND A BANJO????? Tuomas, might’ve you redeemed yourself barely?? Hmm… no. Okay, the song is almost over. Trexie, you can do this. Power through. Okay, the last (hopefully) section is starting. Bitch shut up I aint gon’ die. Quit trying to make me feel bad for spermies. Just imagine if the sperm that produced troy was jacked off into a sock instead. Lol troy i hate u so much. Is the rest of this instrumental? Thank god, that will make It go down quicker. THIS GUY TALKING AGAIN omg. It’s over? YESSSSSSSSS.

    Before I used to be sad when a NW reached the end. Now I'm thrilled. How the times have changed...
  • Timbre of the Voices of Symphonic Metal Singers...

    26. Jun. 2013, 12:21

    ...and a few others.

    Timbre (said like tam-ber, like amber with a t) is a way to describe the sound of a... sound. Yeah, I'm not good at describing stuff. Well, an example is if a violin and a viola were playing the exact same note and the very exact same frequency. You could still distinguish which instrument was which. The violin, due to its physical characteristics, would sound brighter and more clear than a violia.

    The same goes for the human voice. You can tell two singers apart by their timbre. Timbre is something you have to have some experience with before you can start naming brightness and darkness. This is because it is really hard to explain (at least for ineloquent people like me) what exactly brightness and darkness is. That's why I made a chart to sort of help people visualize it.

    Also, clarity and depth aren't the technical terms for what I'm using them for (okay, tha sentence makes no sense.) Well, clarity is, but I'm not sure what the word for depth is in music academia and such. I'll try a visual example that you can apply to aural sensations (oh baby) as well. Clarity is like blue or green eyes and depth is like brown eyes. And then there are hazel eyes who get the best of both. (can you guess what eye color I have? :D)

    Another thing I'd like to point out is that no component of a voice is "better" than another. It's just like every other thing in art: subjective. You may prefer to listen to a bright, clear voice, while another person may prefer a darker voice. Some voice teachers will push their students to the voice timbre they (the teacher) likes. If you find this happening, tell your voice teacher that you prefer a darker/brighter voice for yourself. If they don't listen, just find a new voice teacher. It isn't worth the stress of having your voice a way you don't like.

    Anyway, on to the chart. This is subjective, of course, because different people's ears experience different things. Also, I was doing a lot of these out of memory. If you disagree or hear something different, good! Leave a comment and we can have some nice discussion. :) Also, I can always change the chart later.

    Yes, some of these aren't symphonic metal singers, but I just thought of bands and singers I like to listen to.

    and inb4 someone points out a really obvious singer I forgot to include.

    The first thing I thought of when making this chart was "Okay, which two symphonic metal singers have polar opposite voices?" The most obvious example I could thing of were Tarja and Liv Kristine. They are quintessential examples of both of their vocal qualities. In fact, if you can understand why Tarja has a dark, depth-y (I don't want to say 'deep,' because that's usually a descriptor of pitch) and why Liv Kristine has a bright, clear voice, it will probably be very easy for you to identify similar qualities in other voices.

    In the middle, it's a lot more difficult to identify the qualities of voices. At least for me. I'm sure a voice teacher or someone with A LOT of experiences hearing different voices would find it easier.

    Again, this isn't something like "These are the exact qualities of these voices." This is a very subjective matter, everyone hears different things. I just put the singers on the chart to the best of my ability.

    If you have any questions, are confused, have input, or disagree on anything, leave a comment! This could make for some very fun discussion.

  • Tips/Tutorial for the Tarja Contest

    19. Jun. 2013, 9:53

    You've already heard by now, that Tarja wants you to smear you face with crap in order to satisfy her ever-growing hunger to make her fans do crazy things. I realized how ridiculous this contest is, so I, of course, just had to enter.

    You can see in Tarja's photograph, she has that Indian powder on her face. She also appears to be wearing a white base on her face that's making the powder stick. It seems the powder was actually thrown on her as well, while the method I'll be showing is neater, but unfortunately doesn't have that "random placement" effect that Tarja has.


    The way I used makes an effect that doesn't really look like Tarja's, but I figure it's close enough for what the average person can do at home.

    Anyway, on to the thing. Sorry there aren't more pictures, I didn't really think to take step by step ones of my face.

    What you need:
    -Eyeshadow pigment. I used various brands mixed together, but the simplest way to do this is to get an eyeshadow pigment called Ultra Pearl Mania by NYX. You can get this at Ulta in the US for $3, Douglas in Germany and the Netherlands for €4, and I'm sure it's cheaply available in a lot of other countries as well.
    -Foundation. Go to the drugstore and buy the cheapest, lightest foundation there.
    -A mixing container. I used a 10 gram cosmetics jar, but anything small and bowl shaped will do.
    -A Q-tip.
    -MAKEUP REMOVER. This is important, because this doesn't come off with just soap. Unless you want to have a subtle blue hue to your face for the next few days.
    -A camera (huehuehue obviously)
    -Photoshop if you have it or want to pay, or GIMP (it's FREE! yay) if you're cheap like me. I'll be showing you what to do in GIMP, but if you have photoshop, I'll assume you already know how to use it well enough to do the effect.

    Okay, the first thing is to put your pigment in your container. If you're mixing pigments like I did, rip the cotton off one end of the Q-tip and mix them together.

    Next, you want to have a 1:1 ratio of water to pigment, so add water. It doesn't have to be exact, but put a little water in first, because it's a lot easier to add more than try to take away. You want a paste-like consistency.

    Then, apply the foundation all over your face. If you don't wear foundation or don't know how to apply it, don't worry. Just spread it all over with your fingers until it looks like you've got an even layer. This will look really silly if your skin doesn't match the foundation, but you'll be covering it up, so it doesn't matter. Remember to use a light foundation, as that will be important down the line.

    After this, use the cotton end of the Q-tip to spread the mixture all over your face. After it was all on my face, I spread it around with my fingers.

    Now, you want to take the foundation again. Get a little bit on your fingers, and dot it around the bridge of the nose, top of the cheekbones, and forehead. Then, blend it in with your fingers. This helps to create a highlight, so your face is not just one flat looking surface of blue. If you want to do the Tarja look of a lot of white on the nose and cheekbones, just add more foundation until it's as light as you want it.

    Okay, on to the last step of the makeup. Take a bit of foundation on your finger, then purse your lips as tight as possible, and dot the foundation on the lips. When you relax your lips, you should see lines of your natural lip color along with the foundation. Also, for this step you can put on mascara as well. Tarja's not wearing any in the photo, but my eyes look stupid without mascara on.

    At this point, you should be looking and feeling ridiculous, like you just came to earth from Pandora. This is good, it means you're doing it right. Now all you have to do is take your pictures. I tried to look as victimized as possible, but I either ended up looking stoned or confused. I just did my regular self pic method of taking a 100 pictures, then deleting all but the 2 or 3 that look decent. lol. Also, my face got really hot with all of the makeup on and by the end, it was starting to clump and cake up due to the sweat. I feel sorry for all the South American Tarjistas who've done this.

    Now, open your picture of choice in GIMP. I'll show you how to make those lines that are in Tarja's photo.

    Once your photo is open, go to Filters > Distorts > IWarp. Then, use these settings:

    Then, on the area to the left that shows your photo, just start drawing lines randomly. If you don't like what you've done, just hit reset and try again. If your lines look to big or too small, just change the deform radius accordingly. Once you think it looks good, hit OK.

    After your picture is properly mutated, open a new layer and paste the Victim of Ritual logo. Center it as well as you can (or want to, I didn't bother measuring) and then you're done!

    If you have Photoshop, just mess around with the liquefy tool to make the effect. I know GIMP's IWarp is the same thing as liquefy, but I don't know what the settings are or anything.

    Now, to show my (super lovely) pictures.

    For this first one, I used the camera on the front of my phone, which has just about the worst quality imaginable. The logo, for some reason, compressed itself a lot, so the lines got weird and jaggedy. Also, I don't like how I made three lines all on the same side of my face, because that just unbalances the picture a lot, and heightens how crooked my nose is cuz I feel straight on concrete when I was little XD

    So, I'm putting this one up for grabs if anyone wants to submit it. If Tarja asks, we're long lost twins. :D

    Yeah, after that, I decided to retake the picture using the camera on the back of my phone. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a way to turn the flash off, so it has that washed-out, hipster album cover effect. Also, it got so cakey from the combination of my really dry skin and the sweat. At least it's a lot better than the first, though.

    The image is too big, so here's the link to see in full: http://i.imgur.com/Z6qDp4S.jpg

    Well, there you go. Now no one has any excuse for not entering. Post your photos in the comments if you made one so I can see. :D

    And Nightboxers: if you don't enter this contest, you are DEAD 2 ME.
  • Trexacious' Magical Paint Creations Part Uno

    13. Jun. 2013, 14:03

    Well, Paint.NET creations, because I wanted to be able to blur the background, or else they would look (even more) shitty.

    Anyway, I got bored, and decided to recreate album covers in Paint(.NET). I couldn't sleep, so this is what I did instead. It took me like an hour to do all of them, and you can see near the end, the quality drops off... if that's even possible.

    Anyway, for round one, I'm doing a band everyone knows and tolerates...


    Yeah, contain your excitement.

    I think the images are too big, just deal with it. I'll post a link below so you can view them in their full, splendiferous glory.

    Did I mention I got no sleep while drawing these or writing this?


    Angels Fall First: http://i.imgur.com/fUfnFrq.png

    This was by far the easiest one to draw. Just the gradient background, tree, and happy little moon. This cover is as boring as the album. (Except Elvenpath, dats mah shit. SWREDS)

    Oceanborn: http://i.imgur.com/Hggzd84.png

    This is one of Nightwish's worst covers. Yeah, I said it. My owl looks much more fierce than the one on the orginial cover. YEAH bring dat sass. I also gave floating lady some whompin' bazoogas (is that a saying even?) because, seriously, bewbs. I also gave her a bottom. It doesn't appear she's wearing one on the real cover. *shiftyeyesTUOMAS*

    Wishmaster: http://i.imgur.com/koVTX8l.png

    This is probably the album cover I like most of all Nightwish's albums. I like the color scheme a lot better than the others. Anyway, sad little boy releases his swans/wishes/dreams/whatever into the sky. My swans are awesome, especially that top one. Swans would probably be delicious... is it illegal to hunt swans for game? I think so... swans are assholes, though. Swans Swans SWANS I typed it so many times, it sounds really weird now. I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS.

    Century Child: http://i.imgur.com/Sf7eUEX.png

    This cover bores me for some reason, except I am gellis of lady's shiny obsidian hair. I'm confused as to what she has in her hands, both in my drawing and the real cover. I tried to give this chick maximum boobage, but they ended up kind of pointy, which I'm only realizing now. Oh well, I'm sure at least one person would be into that.

    Once: http://i.imgur.com/SkjiYTZ.png

    And this is were the decline starts. THIS WAS FUCKING HARD TO DRAW, I got hand cramps drawing these on my stupid laptop mouse gaaaaghagahg. Tuomas must be a Picasso fan, because this album cover marks the start of Nightwish's blue period.

    Dark Passion Play: http://i.imgur.com/IS9cUqk.png

    By the time I drew this, I had lost all feeling in my hand. STUPID PENDULUM I HATE YOUUUUUUUUU.

    Imaginaerum: http://i.imgur.com/wmBi6Mt.png


    That's all.

    Next time I'm picking a band with fewer albums. (Or I could just not draw them all at once but no)
  • Ze National

    13. Mai. 2013, 5:05

    My Issues with the National : A glimpse into the mind of Trexacious J. Vänskä

    READ THIS FIRST: The reason I first heard of The National/why I don't like them. I posted it before, but apparently no one read it.

    I don't like the lyrics, I personally don't like the style they're crafted in. I don't like the subject matter of the lyrics, I find them boring and unrelateable to my life or experiences. I don't like the metaphor used, because it seems like the lyric writer writes things that make sense to only him, or something that needs deeper reading into to understand. I want to understand the lyrics the first or second time I hear them. That may make me "shallow" or anything else, but hey, it's what I like. There is a difference between being profound and just making up metaphors to sound mysterious. Their lyrics are way too convoluted to affect me emotionally.

    I don't particularly like Matt's vocals. I really find them flat (not in pitch, but in emotion), and he doesn't really change them between songs. I also find issue with his vowels. He spreads them very wide, which is the first thing you're taught not to do when singing. Especially the word "I" which he says more like "Ah." He puts two parts in diphthongs, which is another huge issue in singing. His consonants are also basically missing. He doesn't put the constant at the end of words. He needs to make his vowels more forward and needs more vertical space when he's singing. He has what I call "egg voice" (after some stupid thing from SNL but I can't really think of the technical term.)

    His vowels are constrained in the back of the throat, which not only is bad technique, but I believe it can actually hurt the voice after time. Sometimes I can tell he has no breath support, and I can bet you anything he's using clavicular breathing instead of working from his diaphragm. I'll search for live videos to confirm my suspicions, but I can almost tell just aurally he's using poor technique. His timbre is pleasing, but I feel he lacks power behind his voice (which is an issue I find with the band in a whole, I'll move on to that later.) I think he is too timid with his voice. I think he should take classical lessons, which are beneficial to every singer, no matter what genre they sing. It would probably help him cultivate more power and project better.

    (Okay addendum to the above paragraph, I searched for live videos and it doesn't seem like he breathes at all, so I don't know what's going on there. But I see he is taking his breaths in with a weird, stretched mouth, and in order to get a powerful or rich enough sound, you should take them in through the position of the next vowel you will sing. So this partially explains his wide vowels. He also holds the microphone way to close to his mouth for my tastes. Probably why I find issues with his projection.)

    I find the vocal lines boring and they have no real movement. In the songs I've listened too, the stanzas keep repeating the same melody over and over again. I personally like songs that are fun to sing along to, and I don't think The National's songs are, because they have about four notes total. I don't like the composition of the music. I find the background instruments are too muted. The guitar in most of the songs is only a rhythm guitar with a few "riffs" I guess that are only a few measures long at most. I prefer more recognizable melodies in instrumentals. In a lot of the songs I've heard, there is hardly any change from the stanzas to the choruses. It seems like they are using the same chord progression throughout the song, and in every song. All of their songs have about three or four chords. In most of the songs, the composition is exactly the same to me. I find the drums are a bit lacking as well. Since I'm not a fan of the genre of indie rock as a whole, I don't prefer the drum work in the bands I've heard. I like pounding double bass, or in the case of electronic music, which I'd say comprises 50% of my library, I like the standard four on the floor beats.

    I find I dislike the whole "mellow rock" genre in a whole. I'm not fond of music that doesn't have a strong beat, because what can I say, I like music to pump me up. I feel the National's music is too tranquil and soothing, which I guess is why a lot of people like them. It's just not for me. I find myself drifting away when I listen to their music. For example, when writing this, I was listening to their songs on Youtube as kind of a refresher for me. In every song, somewhere during the middle is when my mind drifted away.

    I don't think the National are the worst band I've heard. I like them more than say, Justin Bieber (I know that's cliche, but I really don't see the appeal behind Bieber's music at all.)They seem to have no spark or strong emotion behind their music. For me, the band needs more force behind everything they do. But because they are so mellow is the reason people seem to like them. It's just I don't find that appealing in music. Even ballads or slower, more pensive songs can have a very strong force behind them. Listen to Lacrimosa from Mozart's Requiem. It is quiet and introspective but intense.

    So, in short, I don't find The National have enough of a driving force behind them to get me interested. Also I don't like the tonality of their songs, but that's another story it'd take me ages to type out. About 95% of the songs I listen to are minor, so that's just what I like.



    Okay, I didn't proofread this at all, because I never proofread anything so I don't really care if it doesn't make sense or not.

    For gigs and shittles: TheMattional

    And since this retort is mostly aimed at him, since he is the one who asked: Derek-H
  • Den Legendariska Trollhättan-Sagan! Part I

    2. Mär. 2013, 22:06

    (apparently indenting no longer works for last.fm journals :( )

    Yeah, I don't know if Google translated that title correctly, but this is the Legendary Trollhättan-Saga Part I. This is somewhat based on the universe Brick had created with her fairytale, but maybe a prequel or sequel or something. Anyway, without further ado, your feature presentation...


    It was a typical day in Trollhättan. The air hung heavy over the mountains with the scent of surströmming and meatballs. The guards were relaxed, for no disturbance would seem to bother them today. But little did they know, an evil force was stirring in the Swedish countryside…

    Deep in the hidden wilderness, the Four Villains of Trollhättan lied in wait, plotting an attack. Their base was the hollowed out side of the mountain, because fuck it, that is an awesome place to have a lair. Around a table sat three gentlemen and one gentlecanadian. The first man was plopped on his chair, his hungry guts spilling off the side and ginger chest hair flowing out of his shirt. The next man sat to his right, this man was stroking his beard and moustache with one hand and adjusting his glasses with the other. This is what his hands were constantly doing. The next man sat in a smelly heap, he had a wild beard (it held his guns) and tattered clothing. The Canadian next to him was rocking back and forth, mumbling something that sounded like “I schmove schmou, Schmatt.”

    “Alright then, it seems as if we’re all here,” spoke the bearded man, although judging by his voice, you’d think he was a girl.

    A grunt came from the smelly man. The ginger guy just made a gurgling sound.

    “You all know why I’ve called you here, although I’ll explain it again because you all have a collective IQ of 36. The Trollhättaners have been enjoying their peace too long. They have been without disturbance for quite some time, save for the random stranger who wanders into their village yelling about how Tarja should rejoin Nightwish. So, I think it’s past time for us to drop in a little surprise!”

    The man cackled for 12 minutes straight. It was a disgusting, pretentious laugh.

    “OMG ZORN, I HAVE LIKE THE PERFECT IDEA OF HOW TO INVADE THEM!!!!11!3!” canaded the Canadian.

    “Shut that gaping cesspool of a mouth, Wanky, you’re going to spread germs. Me, being the military mastermind, have watched OVER 9000 Hitler videos, so yeah, I will definitely head the invasion.”


    “Shut up, Wanky, I can’t hear these vintage, rare Rush vinyls I’m playing,” said the ginger.

    “Hey all of yous bettr be quite becus thise Torllhettan peopel are misclasifying the metall ganruhs,” the psychopath said suddenly, as if he awoke from a coma.

    “Oh my Nietzsche, all of you just be quiet and listen to MY plan!” Zorn said angrily. The table was silent.

    “Everyone knows the Trollhättan citizens are crazy and cannot resist a good troll-fight. So we will do what we are best at…”

    “Troll them!” said the group in unison, jumping up and ending on a freeze frame.


    Meanwhile, at the Trollhättan palace, everything was as usual. The maids were dusting the bronze Sami statues (all 12.157 of them in the palace) and the royals were doing their weekly listening-to-the-citizens thingy.

    The throne room of the palace was grander than all of the other palaces in the world combined. This is because the royals had more wealth than all the other royals in the world combined (they stole it.) The King, Sami, was wearing his usual outfit, a leather loincloth. The Queen, Trexacious, was wearing something way cooler and prettier than everyone else (of course.) The princess, Brick, was wearing a PVC bodysuit, to match her prince/sex slave The Champion. The fairies Ilse, Elli, and Andro were wearing their lovely dresses and dapper suit of magic. Tuomas was wearing nothing, for he was gettin’ busy with a model doll. (has this dead horse joke been beaten enough? NOPE. Look for it soon in a hamburger near you!) The dragonman of the kingdom, Jerk M.F. Jones, was wearing a badass leather jacket, while roasting marshmellows on his nose-flames. All the other citizens, whose positions within the realm I apparently have forgotten, were wearing what best represents their personalities and styles, while looking incredibly badass and sexy as always, because Trollhättan citizens are the most attractive people in the world.

    After the royal meet-and-greet (that’s what those things are called, right?), Sami stepped out to the window to view his royal kingdom. The land looked like it usually did, which was a grimy bondage club in Amsterdam at 3 in the morning.

    “Ahhh, perfect,” he sighed. He glanced around one last time, but saw something strange at the south-eastern gate. Four people were walking toward the kingdom, and they looked familiar. TOO FAMILIAR!

    Sami took out the br00tal Pazuzu’s Horn from his pocket and blew a warning signal to the guards. The note that came out of the horn was the most metal sound to ever exist. The general of the Trollhättan Futebol Army, Liadz, gathered his soldiers, feet armed with footballs that could be expertly shot at the heads of intruders with all of the strength of Pele. Sami was confident that Trollhättan’s army could defeat any force that came their way. He watched the four figures walk closer, but soon saw they were not alone. A gargantuan shadow loomed behind them.

    “N-n-n-no!” Sami gasped, “It can’t be! I thought he had already been vanquished! But he has arisen from the ashes, ready to fight again! It’s him – MARCELO!”


    Also if you are reading this and you were not included in the story, it is because you haven't chosen a job in the kingdom yet. Pick one and I'll include you. (also you can be a part of the bad guy's team, if you want)

    Also I proofread this about five times and found no errors/typos, but there's bound to be some, so insert your magical grammar power in the comments if you find any.


    Cast List:
    Sami Vänskä

    Think that's everyone.

    26. Dez. 2012, 10:45

    Okay, there was some minor discussion in the Nightbox about why Song of Myself is the worst thing to ever occur in the world, and the poem more so. So, I decided to add my much needed (and wanted) thoughts about it, because I just love stirrin’ that pot. This is just what comes to my head when I hear the poem, so sometimes it’s humorous (because I’ve a devilish wit) and sometimes serious (because I’m also inretrospective and wise) So, I’ve copied the text from the official Nightwish website (COPYRIGHT!!1!1) and added my analysiseses below. Beware that reading this may CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER. And none of this will probably make sense to anything but my brain.

    Also I know I’m being harsh. Tuomas grates me in such ways I thought it’d only be kind to repay him. Yeah, a disclaimer, I’d suggest not reading this if you like the poem. If you like it, then it did its job, and I suggest you run far away and enjoy it. I’m absolutely not trying to take away anything that speaks to you or that you identify with. You have the right to enjoy the poem. In fact I’m happy to hear people love the poem, or else it’d be wasted.

    Also, I'm sure someone smarter and better spoken than me could right a whole rebuttal to this telling me why I'm wrong. Which I wouldn't mind because I'm most likely wrong. I almost always am. And I'm shit at debating so you automatically win.

    Anyway… now to the juicy bits.

    I see a slow, simple youngster by a busy street, with a begging bowl in his shaking hand.

    This slow simple boy is out on the streets! The horror! How could our world have possibly allowed for this to happen?! Maybe because…

    Trying to smile but hurting infinitely. Nobody notices.
    I do, but walk by.

    Nobody notices except the noble Tuomas. He’s such a good soul. Oh wait, could other people be thinking the exact same thing? “Why am I the only one who cares about other people?” said everyone ever at least once in their life. And Tuomas just walks on by. So he’s a good person, but with a *gasp* twisted, dark, apathetic side. Also like everyone ever.

    An old man gets naked and kisses a model-doll in his attic.
    It`s half-light and he`s in tears.
    When he finally comes his eyes are cascading.

    Ahh, the most infamous part. I guessssss I can kind of see the message that was trying to be portrayed here. Old people like to get it on. Oh wait, no. This poor old man maybe once had a lover. But she moved on, he clearly hasn’t. He needs this smexy old lady, but he can’t have her. All he wants is to be loved!

    If that’s the message Tuomas was going for, he could have chosen a different method of portrayal. Because this sounds like the beginning of a Law and Order SVU episode, right before this guy kidnaps a three year old.

    Also the guy’s accent when he says cums may be the most hilarious thing ever.

    I see a beaten dog in a pungent alley. He tries to bite me.
    All pride has left his wild drooling eyes.
    I wish I had my leg to spare.

    Sympathy for the downtrodden: PETA edition. Tuomas would rather make this poor soul happy than be able to walk. Envy his generosity, and then he’ll pity you for feeling envious.

    A mother visits her son, smiles to him through the bars.
    She`s never loved him more.

    Clearly the mother here is a conspirator in this man’s crimes, and he took the fall for her work. Or maybe it’s the classic “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” moral. Which everyone learned in kindergarten.

    An obese girl enters an elevator with me.
    All dressed up fancy, a green butterfly on her neck.
    Terribly sweet perfume deafens me.
    She`s going to dinner alone.
    That makes her even more beautiful.

    So you think this girl is beautiful, and somehow you know she’s going to dinner (stalker) so why don’t you ask her out?!? Problem solved. Also so far this poem before was trying to shame the listener/reader who dare feels pity, and yet know Tuomas feels sorry for this girl? And gets no repercussions from his own consciousness?

    I see a model`s face on a brick wall.
    A statue of porcelain perfection beside a violent city kill.
    A city that worships flesh.

    What’s that? Humans are horrible people for praising the exquisite and gorgeous of our population whilst not paying attention to the brutal slayings going on around the world? And just what is your solution to this? Repress the part of the human brain the senses attractiveness, and repressing our primal instinct to spread our species with the best genes possible (sense everything humans find “attractive” was once based on how well their genes would hold up.) Okay, Tuomas, good luck with that. If anyone can change it, SURELY it will be you.

    The 1st thing I ever heard was a wandering man telling his story
    It was you, the grass under my bare feet
    The campfire in the dead of the night
    The heavenly black of sky and sea

    It was us
    Roaming the rainy roads, combing the gilded beaches
    Waking up to a new gallery of wonders every morn
    Bathing in places no-one`s seen before
    Shipwrecked on some matt-painted island
    Clad in nothing but the surf - beauty`s finest robe

    Okay this part is all boring, naturesque schlock for which I don’t have anything to snark at.

    Beyond all mortality we are, swinging in the breath of nature
    In early air of the dawn of life
    A sight to silence the heavens

    Also this. YAWN.

    I want to travel where life travels, following its permanent lead
    Where the air tastes like snow music
    Where grass smells like fresh-born Eden
    I would pass no man, no stranger, no tragedy or rapture
    I would bathe in a world of sensation
    Love, Goodness, and Simplicity
    ( While violated and imprisoned by technology )

    Tuomas wants to be a freeflowing hedonist, travelling wherever the wind takes him. He wants to experience life, man. Oh, and a life without any tragedy, at that. As I’ve said before (around the ending of this), life is tragedy. The moment you’re born, your destiny is set so that you will die. And for some reason people say it’s bad to die alone. No, dying alone would be the best possible way to go, never having known anyone or anything that will cause you pain, or that you will cause pain to. Stick that in your pipehole, TUOMAS. Oh wait, so I guess I’m basically agreeing on him with the “no man” part. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE SUCKS KAY.

    Oh, shit, I almost forgot about that technology bit. This stanza would actually be okay if it weren’t for that. What exactly counts as technology? The paper and pencil you used to write this poem are technology, Tuomas. It's like people saying, “I’m tired of everyone constantly texting everywhere. Sent from my iPhone”

    The thought of my family`s graves was the only moment I used to experience true love
    That love remains infinite, as I`ll never be the man my father is

    PURE SCHLOCK. So you think grief is a powerful emotion, Tuomas? Congratulations, you’re the 24857439230923th person to think that! So, this guy (let’s call him Tuomas) sees his father’s grave, and experiences true love for the first time. Yet somehow this love in infinite (meaning it reigns before Tuomas was ever born to the ends of time) CONTRADICTION, SIR.

    How can you "just be yourself" when you don`t know who you are?
    Stop saying "I know how you feel"
    How could anyone know how another feels?

    Okay, this is just stream of consciousness blather, much like the journal is. I don’t even know what to say to the “be yourself” part because I can’t expresses dumbfoundedness at stupidity eloquently enough. Telling someone “I know how you feel” is a way of showing sympathy. Also does Tuomas so lack empathy that he can’t even BEGIN to imagine another’s emotions? Of course it’s true no one EXACTLY knows what it’s like to be someone else (huh, so everyone is “just being themselves” whether they like it or not), you provide others sympathy by, well… sympathizing with them.

    Who am I to judge a priest, beggar, whore, politician, wrongdoer?
    I am, you are, all of them already

    Facepalm forever. JUDGING'S WRONG YOU GUISE. Judging other people is human nature. In fact, going by what Tuomas said just earlier (you could never know how anyone else feels!) judging is the only way to evaluate people. If you can’t evaluate them by their emotions, than what other option is there?

    Dear child, stop working, go play
    Forget every rule
    There`s no fear in a dream

    LET’S PLAY ALL THE TIME! EUTOPIAAAAAAA!!!! “There’s no fear in a dream”? Clearly Tuomas has never had my recurring axemurderer dream.

    "Is there a village inside this snowflake?"
    - a child asked me
    "What`s the color of our lullaby?"

    Oh, look at these beautiful, innocent young minds asking wonderful, naïve questions with WONDER AND AWE. Aren’t you jealous?

    No, Tuomas, some of use purposely shed our childhood as quickly as possible to gain true, logical knowledge. Not everyone has your mind. Also, your child has been reading too much Horton Hears a Whatever or has synesthesia, respectively.

    I`ve never been so close to truth as then
    I touched its silver lining

    Okay, this part just makes no sense to me.

    Death is the winner in any war
    Nothing noble in dying for your religion
    For your country
    For ideology, for faith
    For another man, yes

    LISTEN TO THE ADMIRABLE TUOMAS. STOP FIGHTING AND HUG EACH OTHER! Sure, war isn’t noble, but don’t you see lions fighting each other for that piece of meat? Well, humans are animals, and our piece of meat is what has been indoctrinated in us from a young age, that be our country/religion/race/ideology is the correct and true one. So if you can somehow find a way to stop that Tuomas, sure, all wars will stop.

    Oh, also, death is the only winner AT ALL. There is no way to “win” life. Even if you are the most powerful man in the world, or the happiest man to ever exist, or a slow, simple begging child, thank you for playing life, your prize is DYING!

    Paper is dead without words
    Ink idle without a poem
    All the world dead without stories
    Without love and disarming beauty

    PAPER IS ALREADY DEAD, TUOMAS. IT’S A DEAD TREE. Okay the rest of this I *gasp* kind of agree with, except I would say it in a nonpoetic way in order not to be soft.

    Careless realism costs souls

    Whereas careless optimist solves all the problems ever.

    Ever seen the Lord smile?
    All the care for the world made Beautiful a sad man?
    Why do we still carry a device of torture around our necks?
    Oh, how rotten your pre-apocalypse is
    All you bible-black fools living over nightmare ground

    Okay, this is even harder to understand than the previous parts. I have no idea what this torture device is even referring to. The only thing I can make of this is it’s some kind of antireligion rant, which doesn’t make sense because most people would say religion is optimistic just by sheer virtue of what it is.

    I see all those empty cradles and wonder
    If man will ever change

    Okay, what is this, dead babies or something? Yes, babies die, too. There is nothing you can do to prevent death. Well, by this I don’t mean giving someone the Heimlich if they’re choking, because, duh, but that death will always catch up in the end. Come on, they made like 10 Final Destination movies. But thinking about dead babies is “realism” which is not banished these lands.

    And no, man will never change, unless you, Tuomas, are secretly God, or you somehow have the power to change the thoughts and actions and instincts of an entire species. And I'm glad all you're doing to provoke this change is "wondering" Very useful.

    I, too, wish to be a decent manboy but all I am
    Is smoke and mirrors
    Still given everything, may I be deserving

    MANBOY. MAN. BOY. I can’t. Maybe Tuomas doesn’t know that this is only ever used as an insult. Such as “Look at this lame poem Tuomas wrote, he’s such a manboy!”
    Well, I guess the last part is Tuomas lamenting the fact that he deserves nothing and yet still has things handed to him. Everyone deserves nothing. Or maybe everyone deserves everything. Or maybe this is way too confusing to try to write about. Anyway he is searching for some way to free himself of the guilt he feels by not feeling grateful enough. Which is… kind of a pointless thing to worry about. Or at least I think so. But I'm a selfish, grabbing bastard.

    And there forever remains that change from G to Em

    Bitch, everyone knows the best chord ever is Ebm. Much richer and profound than Em or FUCKING G. Like what even, that’s the worst.

    Okay, I really ripped this poem a new asshole. Congrats if you read this far, since you probably hate me and/or very confused.

    Honestly now that I've written this, it's really lame, but I'm still posting it anyway because it's also awesome.
  • 21st of November - An Account

    21. Nov. 2012, 10:45

    jerkjones Trexacious Nightwish Sami Vänskä That should link everyone involved. Not linking Snyder or Zorn, for obvious reasons, aka don't wanna be banned 4eva to eternity.

    This is from the logbooks of an ancient ship called the HMS Pretend You're Xyzzy. I will post card screenshots later. Here are the best parts of our chat (I removed the bots and the connect/disconnect messages and randoms and fixed my typos):

    [02:36:07] <Trexacious> http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/554439_198572533590274_193178100_n.jpg

    [02:36:42] <Snyderlicious> man

    [02:36:48] <Snyderlicious> it looks like he photoshopped his face

    [02:37:02] <Snyderlicious> but no people that's all natural

    [02:37:13] <Trexacious> Actually it's just that naturally beautiful

    [02:37:17] <Trexacious> Don't be jealous

    02:54:31] <Trexacious> http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/391769_10151225457828139_590598210_n.jpg

    [02:54:33] <Trexacious> so edgy

    [02:54:35] <Trexacious> so political

    [02:54:43] <Stormy> Yep.

    [02:54:56] <Snyderlicious> TACO

    [02:55:03] <Snyderlicious> i need a taco jacket

    [02:58:02] <OverweightGoku> What is with this link posting in the chat?

    [02:58:17] <Trexacious> what is with your face posting in the cahat>

    [02:58:20] <Trexacious> *CHAT

    [02:58:24] <bobjohnson> you is winnar!

    [02:58:27] <Snyderlicious> get out of the cahat

    [02:58:31] <OverweightGoku> 3~ fart

    [03:14:23] <Trexacious> http://svartzorn.tumblr.com/ Enjoy the Hitler wank and general 15th century state of mind

    [03:14:32] <Trexacious> also feel free to spam his ask since he blocked me

    [03:14:48] <OverweightGoku> There's a reason he blocked yu

    [03:15:35] <Trexacious> snyd, go spam Zorn for me :)

    [03:15:44] <Trexacious> say something about when women rule the world

    [03:15:47] <Snyderlicious> k

    [03:15:49] <Trexacious> all the men will be kept in cages

    [03:15:53] <Trexacious> as sex slaves

    [03:15:57] <Trexacious> that will rattle him

    [03:20:53] <DoctorPoop> YO BOB
    [03:21:02] <DoctorPoop> U ACCALLY BRYCE

    [03:21:03] <DoctorPoop> ????

    [03:21:13] <bobjohnson> who da fuk is bryce?

    [03:25:39] <Anal_Devourer> Bob

    [03:25:45] <Anal_Devourer> Is your name really Bryce?

    [03:25:52] <Trexacious> Mine is!

    [03:25:55] <Snyderlicious> mine too

    [03:25:55] <Trexacious> How did you know

    [03:25:58] <bobjohnson> who the fuck is this bryce guy!

    [03:26:01] <Trexacious> me

    [03:26:05] <DoctorPoop> IT IS

    [03:26:06] <Snyderlicious> Bryce Snyder, from Memphis

    [03:26:06] <DoctorPoop> OMG

    [03:26:09] <Trexacious> haha

    [03:26:12] <DoctorPoop> Its Me

    [03:26:13] <Snyderlicious> I've been convicted of bodily harm

    [03:26:23] <DoctorPoop> John

    [03:26:27] <DoctorPoop> Its Me Bryce, John

    [03:26:31] <DoctorPoop> From School

    [03:26:32] <Snyderlicious> hi john

    [03:26:35] <Snyderlicious> sup

    [03:26:42] <Trexacious> OMG I go to your school!

    [03:26:43] <Trexacious> hahaha

    [03:26:46] <Trexacious> crazy!!!!

    [03:26:49] <DoctorPoop> THIS IS SO WEIRD

    [03:26:51] <Snyderlicious> our school sucks bro!!!!!

    [03:27:08] <Anal_Devourer> I CANT BELIEVE IT

    [03:27:09] <Snyderlicious> I hate Mr. Johnson!!!!!!! he sux!!!!!

    [03:27:21] <Anal_Devourer> I'M SO HAPPY

    [03:27:21] <Trexacious> There is no Mr Johnson FAKER

    [03:27:27] <Trexacious> is there?

    [03:27:30] <Trexacious> lol I skip most days

    [03:27:33] <Snyderlicious> THERE'S ALWAYS A MR. JOHNSON

    [03:27:35] <Trexacious> so I wouldn't know

    [03:27:42] <DoctorPoop> U LIAR

    [03:27:48] <Anal_Devourer> MR JOHNSON SUCKS

    [03:27:52] <DoctorPoop> ^^^^^^

    [03:27:53] <Trexacious> SNYDER QUIT LYING

    [03:27:55] <Snyderlicious> see

    [03:28:14] <Trexacious> lol Bryce remember that one assembly!

    [03:28:17] <Snyderlicious> that was all me

    [03:28:19] <Trexacious> that way cray

    [03:28:22] <Snyderlicious> ZACK SNYDER: AMA

    [03:28:23] <DoctorPoop> Omg I love this guy

    [03:28:32] <bobjohnson> trololol.png


    [03:28:43] <DoctorPoop> ?

    [03:28:43] <Trexacious> ZACHARY WAIN SNYDER FROM MEMPHIS TN

    [03:28:46] <Trexacious> YOU LIAR

    [03:28:56] <Snyderlicious> well uh I was psyched at first but it turns out our budget is shit

    [03:29:03] <Snyderlicious> so I was like lol I'm out bitches

    [03:29:03] <Anal_Devourer> Anyone else have Yakub for English next year?

    [03:29:03] <DoctorPoop> I hear that yo

    [03:29:06] <Trexacious> http://www.bustedmugshots.com/tennessee/memphis/zachary-snyder/11273292

    [03:29:09] <DoctorPoop> OMG

    [03:29:11] <DoctorPoop> I DO

    [03:29:13] <DoctorPoop> WHAT IS THIS

    [03:29:18] <Anal_Devourer> I hate Yakub

    [03:29:18] <Snyderlicious> fuckin Yakub

    [03:29:23] <DoctorPoop> ARE YOU......ARE YOU DEAN?????

    [03:29:28] <Anal_Devourer> He calls me 'son' all the time

    [03:29:29] <Trexacious> Yakub is my favorite teacher, assholes

    [03:29:36] <DoctorPoop> he started a sentance with and last week

    [03:29:40] <DoctorPoop> AND

    [03:29:41] <Snyderlicious> all the goth girls like that guy LOL

    [03:29:52] <Snyderlicious> I think it's the skeleton

    [03:29:52] <Trexacious> you don't understand my tortured soul

    [03:29:56] <DoctorPoop> Is it Cause Hes Black

    [03:30:01] <Anal_Devourer> Yeah

    [03:30:07] <Snyderlicious> oh that might be it

    [03:30:07] <Anal_Devourer> Like their souls

    [03:30:11] <Snyderlicious> lol

    [03:30:24] <Trexacious> Bryce, who do you have 2nd period?

    [03:30:29] <Anal_Devourer> Oh guys, I wont be at school next week :/

    [03:30:29] <Trexacious> I think you're in my class haha

    [03:30:34] <bobjohnson> oops i seem to have set the players to NEIN!

    [03:30:37] <Snyderlicious> I have gym I HATE IT

    ([03:30:44] LeeroyJenkins has connected. )
    [03:30:47] <Snyderlicious> with Ms. Jenkins

    [03:30:48] <Trexacious> You love the locker room snyder

    [03:30:51] <Trexacious> don't lie



    [03:31:02] <Snyderlicious> that's her son yo

    [03:31:04] <Trexacious> seriously though byrce

    [03:31:04] <Snyderlicious> irl

    [03:31:07] <Snyderlicious> no kidding

    [03:31:07] <Trexacious> who do you have?

    [03:31:18] <Trexacious> BRYCE

    [03:31:20] <Trexacious> ANSWER ME

    [03:31:23] <Trexacious> Goddamn it

    [03:31:24] <Snyderlicious> i thought i was bryce

    [03:31:47] <Trexacious> Does anyone have Mr. Hard for online Portugeuse?

    [03:31:52] <Trexacious> He's so falming

    [03:31:55] <Trexacious> *flaming

    [03:31:55] <Snyderlicious> dude I do

    [03:31:56] <Anal_Devourer> Yeah

    [03:31:58] <Trexacious> omg really

    [03:32:00] <Trexacious> nice

    [03:32:07] <Trexacious> remember that one assignment

    [03:32:13] <Snyderlicious> YEAH THAT ONE SUCKED

    [03:32:14] <Anal_Devourer> OMG

    [03:32:16] <Trexacious> where we just looked at shirtless brazilian dudes

    [03:32:20] <Anal_Devourer> That one was so lame

    [03:32:23] <Trexacious> I know

    [03:32:26] <Trexacious> so super gay

    (here the game glitched out)

    [03:32:28] <Snyderlicious> FIUClsdgfsjry

    [03:32:29] <Snyderlicious> fkdf

    [03:32:31] <Trexacious> WTF HAPPENEDED

    [03:32:33] <Trexacious> dskghsdpg

    [03:32:33] <Snyderlicious> what the fuck

    [03:32:35] <Stormy> Son of a bitch

    [03:32:40] <Trexacious> It was Bryce

    [03:32:45] <Snyderlicious> dude it's cause you guys were talking about school

    [03:32:50] <Trexacious> Our school sucks

    [03:32:53] <Snyderlicious> the PRINCIPAL is HERE

    [03:32:57] <Anal_Devourer> WHAT

    [03:33:03] <Anal_Devourer> WE'RE SO SUSPENDED

    [03:33:06] <Trexacious> OMG not principal

    [03:33:08] <Trexacious> omg no

    [03:33:10] <Trexacious> sorry

    [03:33:12] <Trexacious> it's not really us

    [03:33:18] <Snyderlicious> we're just kidding sir

    [03:33:34] <bobjohnson> thats it you are all suspenders!

    [03:33:37] <DoctorPoop> Mr. Butler man

    [03:33:38] <Trexacious> NOOOO

    [03:33:41] <Snyderlicious> SHIT

    [03:33:46] <Trexacious> Suspenders are so hipstery though
    [03:33:50] <Snyderlicious> no more xbox =/

    [03:33:50] BobLocke has disconnected (Ping timeout).

    [03:33:51] <bobjohnson> move to canada immedialty and jump on some lumberjacks!

    [03:34:01] <Trexacious> That sounds so hot though

    ...some time later

    [03:35:06] <Trexacious> Oh, the times we shared at Josef Stalin High are the best years of our lives

    And later...

    [03:39:02] <Anal_Devourer> Guys

    [03:39:06] <Snyderlicious> WHAT

    [03:39:08] <Anal_Devourer> I'm telling Yakub

    [03:39:08] <Trexacious> wut

    [03:39:10] <bobjohnson> why am i listening to a german radio staiton while i play this gameee

    [03:39:11] <Trexacious> NO

    [03:39:12] <Snyderlicious> omg no

    [03:39:14] <Trexacious> PLEASE DON'T

    [03:39:17] <Trexacious> we're only kidding

    [03:39:21] <bobjohnson> i dont even fucking know german!

    [03:39:21] <Snyderlicious> that guy will eat my soul

    [03:39:23] <Anal_Devourer> You better be

    [03:39:29] <Snyderlicious> german music is the best

    [03:39:38] <Trexacious> lol love that günther

    [03:39:42] <Trexacious> and his tralala

    [03:39:43] <Anal_Devourer> Yakub loves german music

    [03:39:45] <Snyderlicious> lederhosen yo

    [03:39:53] <Trexacious> MEINE HOSE

    [03:39:55] <Anal_Devourer> Especially the rapping

    [03:40:01] <Trexacious> so good

    [03:40:06] <Snyderlicious> not as good as french rap though

    [03:40:08] <Trexacious> that's like the pinnacle of modren music

    [03:40:10] <Trexacious> MODREN

    [03:40:11] <Anal_Devourer> True

    [03:40:13] <Snyderlicious> lol

    [03:40:16] <Snyderlicious> EPICA124

    [03:40:20] <Trexacious> NO

    [03:40:26] <Snyderlicious> HE'S IN YOUR BRAIN

    [03:40:31] <Snyderlicious> GET HIM THE FUCK OUT

    [03:41:13] <Trexacious> The rapper Kollegah actually stole the melody from one of l'ai songs

    [03:41:16] <Trexacious> just saying

    [03:41:20] <Snyderlicious> haha

    [03:41:29] <Trexacious> http://voiceless.de/forum/thread.php?threadid=1785

    [03:41:29] <bobjohnson> im great at raping

    [03:41:32] <Snyderlicious> actually I was lying french rap is terrible but yeah

    [03:41:42] <Snyderlicious> lol

    [03:42:11] <Trexacious> I HATE HAIKUS

    [03:42:17] <Trexacious> I hate when Yakub makes us write them

    [03:42:24] <Trexacious> And then berates me for making mine sexual

    [03:42:30] <Trexacious> like what else am I gonna write?

    [03:42:30] <Snyderlicious> yeah fuck that guy

    [04:24:45] <Snyderlicious> mmk shorter game

    [04:24:48] <Snyderlicious> then I gotta go

    [04:25:22] <Trexacious> snyder is angel knox calling you to bed?

    [04:25:28] <Snyderlicious> yeah

    [04:25:33] <Snyderlicious> she can't get out

    [04:25:36] <Snyderlicious> of it

    [04:25:40] <Trexacious> awww

    [04:25:42] <Trexacious> poor angel

    [04:25:57] <Trexacious> is it because of her pregnant stomach or general obesity?

    [04:26:15] <Snyderlicious> it's the fact that I broke her legs probably

    [04:26:32] <Trexacious> Well that swhat the woman gets if she dunt listen

    [04:26:42] <Snyderlicious> ya srsly

    [04:26:44] <Trexacious> I thought you were ing ermany bob

    [04:26:50] <Trexacious> oh god
    [04:26:54] <Trexacious> my typing

    [04:27:08] <Snyderlicious> where is ermany

    [04:27:25] <bobjohnson> NEIN! i am not zee germanz

    [04:27:26] <Trexacious> far away

    [04:27:30] <Snyderlicious> o

    [04:27:39] <Trexacious> actually no, it's in the south

    [04:27:44] <Trexacious> have fun there

    [04:27:44] <bobjohnson> and i was on vacation durring world war two!

    [04:28:04] <Trexacious> you missed the lovly scenary then, bob

    [04:28:09] <Trexacious> lovely

    [04:28:14] <Trexacious> Scenery?

    [04:28:15] <Snyderlicious> scenery

    [04:28:17] <Snyderlicious> yeah

    [04:28:18] <Trexacious> I don't know anymore

    [04:28:38] <bobjohnson> nah my vacation was driving the many trains of jews to auschwitz :P

    [04:28:49] <bobjohnson> i had plenty of scenery!

    [04:28:50] <Snyderlicious> shit i picked the wrong one

    [04:28:51] <Trexacious> oh, fun!

    [04:28:57] <Snyderlicious> trains are cool

    [04:47:59] <Snyderlicious> holy shit some dude on the tv

    [04:48:03] <Snyderlicious> his name was MATT CANADA

    [04:48:08] <Snyderlicious> not even fucking joking here

    [04:48:10] <Trexacious> OMG it's wanky's brother

    [04:54:15] <bobjohnson> he's using an aimbot

    [04:54:23] <Trexacious> what even is an aimbot

    [04:54:25] <Snyderlicious> SHIT

    [04:54:34] <Trexacious> other than the thing that displays your away message on aim

    [04:54:36] <Trexacious> in 2004
  • The Secret of Mrs. Ladyhead

    24. Sep. 2012, 9:40

    Premiering maybe this week

    The Secret of Mrs. Ladyhead

    Cast: Zorn & Eva
    Wanky & Matt
    Snyder & Angel Knox
    Oktoberfest Trexacious

    Cameos: Samiface, my dog, YOU???

    Intermission including "music" from normal (for her) Trexacious (really an excuse for me to jump around like a maniac and show off this new thing I bought)

    With soundtrack by jerkjones

    Collectible paperdolls come free at the premiere. Bringin' the paperdolls back, y'all.

    It is Autumn 2012, and school is beginning again for the youngsters. Their teacher, Mrs. Ladyhead, is recovering from a lobotomy. She is confused about everything, and she has amnesia regarding her students. She must ask questions to relearn all about them and their personalities. But Mrs. Ladyhead has a dark secret... will she let it slip due to her impaired mental state?

    It's a modern day fairytale, really. Look for it at Cannes.
  • PAINtime!

    14. Sep. 2012, 6:44

    I'm going to show you guys a band that is totally unknown, and also they broke up, so they will probably never be known ever now. Well, we can still listen to their albums (all two of them) and be judgmentally bitchy. Anyway, this band is called Raintime and I found them by clicking through random similar artists in Spotify. They sound kind of power metal-y, but more in the Amaranthe style of who knows how to classify them. Tr00 metal fiends would probably not like them. The vocalist sounds like the guy from Dope Stars Inc. They're both Italian, so yeah, they're probably from the same mob family.

    Okay, so this is their second, and last, album, Psychromatic. (EDIT: Okay, it's their third album, I guess the first isn't on Spotifuck)

    Anyway, that's the ugly cover. I know. It looks like hipster (I spelled that 'hyspter' at first, which is really kind of an awesome insult which I'll be throwing at hipsters from now on *coughespeciallytheoneswhoarewettingthemselvesoveriphone5cough*) crap. Don't be fooled. It's weird metal. But yes, you may judge it by its cover, because we're all mean people here.

    So. Let's start this thing out. This will not be a helpful nor persuasive block of text. I'm just bored and wanted to write something because for some reason I miss the essays of the university days past.

    I listened to their first album, and now I'll be starting their second for the first time ever. So these are my first impressions and will probably be my last, because I might not ever listen to them again. Who knows, I'm very fickle. (I don't know if that's how it's spelled, my new, humansized computer doesn't have MS Word, haven't "bought" it yet. I'm typing this on Wordpad and once I copy it into Chrome I'll see all of my terrible mistakes.) What I guess I'm trying to say, is that all of this will be typed quickly and not make sense, because I really suck at filtering things I say on the spot.

    tl;dr: random, incomprehensible stream of consciousness ahead.

    1. Fire Ants

    Okay, so it starts very electronically. This probably makes 70% hate them already. And then that power metal guitar comes in. You know the one. Okay, fire ants are hording (not hoarding) up against this guy. The chorus (? maybe) is pretty catchy. Although I hear "war against the gnome." Hmm, I think I actually like this song. I normally dislike all 1st tracks on principle. I don't know why, I think it's probably because I feel the band is trying too hard to keep me hooked.

    Oh, now I hear it's war against the world. Obviously that makes sense. Hmmm.
    Okay... 3.8/5

    I'm not judging music and lyrics separately this time, because my aural capacity is not good enough to make out anything of what they say. So yeah.

    2. Turned Up And Down

    No, Spotify, I will not buy premium. Shut up. Oh, it's starting. Guitar powerchordy thing. It sounds like something familiar, but I don't know what. Oh God, the guy singing kind of sucks in this one. Nevermind, it's getting better, at the "carry me back" part.

    Oooooh, now it's getting good. This song has a nice beat, which makes me want to dance, which you can see I'm excellent at, as shown by my avatar. (Unless you're reading this in the future and my avatar is something weird, too bad for you.) So the chorus is good. And after the second chorus there's a little musical interlude. More of the chugging guitar crap. Boring. I'm slowly realizing this guy has a weird voice. Is it a different guy than from the first album? Hang on one second...

    Huh, I checked, it's the same guy. I guess I didn't really register his voice when I listened to the first album. It's not that bad, really. Or maybe it is, I can't tell Oh, it's over already. I think this song has potential. I wish they would have went more in the direction they were going in the chorus. 3.2/5

    3. Never Ending Staircase

    Artistic brilliance made possible by Microsoft Paint.

    Judging by the title, this could be awesome, or really cheesy. Let's see...

    Okay, it's starting slow. Holy distortion, Batman. Turn that shit down. Oh, it's picking up. I kind of like this. This band definitely has the Amaranthe curse. All of the songs kind of sound the same: catchy, but maybe not so full of substance. Yeah, I can't understand a word this guy says. I haven't heard a staircase mentioned yet. This song seems kind of hollow. It needs more bass or something to fill it up. I don't know if it's the production or what, but it does seem very empty. I don't know, this is trying to be a retrospective song from the lyrics I can catch, but it seems kind of... phony. lol you phonies, try harder next time.


    4. Nothing But A Mistake

    Another uptempo, generic guitar riff. I don't really mind that though. Well, at least the drums are doing something kind of interesting this time.

    Great, he's screaming. No, no pulling any Mark Jansens here, please. Okay, he's back to clean. This is really boring. I'm kind of regretting choosing to listen to this now. They better step it up in the forthcoming tracks. I swear I've already heard this song before by them. omg, I want to skip this. Don't worry, I'll stick it out, FOR SCIENCE.

    tick tock tick tock

    God, this sucks.


    5. I Want To Remember

    Oh, this already sounds loads better! This is more power metalish again. It's kind of a slow track (so far, who knows what these weirdos might do later in the song) This sounds like something I've heard before. Yeah... big surprise there. The backing isn't bad. The vocals and lyrics, hmm. Not so.

    "Want to remember the sweetest egg I laid" No, that can't be right. Fuck, I don't even know.

    Okay, this song is starting to bore me. This album was so promising at first. I want to bail on this, but I may as well finish as I've gotten almost halfway through. Why am I not this motivated in aspects of my life that actually matter.

    Ooooooh a fade out, thank you finally!


    6. Shift

    Nice slow keyboards. I think this is leading up to something. Maybe not? Okay, not the bombastic guitar entrance I was hoping for. Already this is better than most of the previous tracks.

    This song has a nice sway to it (I don't know how to describe it, just listen. Who am I kidding, I know you won't)

    The guy's voice in the chorus sounds a lot better. Maybe he drank a lot one day of the recordings or something. Does this band not have a bassist, though? Okay, I looked it up and I guess they do. I know it's not "cool" to have loads of bass in your (pseudo)power metal, but give me SOMETHING on the lower end. It just seems unbalanced.

    This is a solid slowish track. It's obviously not a ballad, but it has that kind of feel. Good job guys, you've managed not to suck. Let's see if you can keep that up.


    7. Fake Idols

    SPOTIFY I DON'T WANT TO BUY UR SHIT. Okay, more random guitar plucking. I'm getting a Bon Jovi vibe (dunno, it's the first thing that popped into my head) Okay, now here's a sweet guitar thingy. Yes, I'm so technical with my terminology. Distorty beat thing, okay, I like it.

    What?!? "A field of masturbate"? Okay. Well then.

    Okay, they're clearly still riding the high of the previous track. This one isn't bad, it has a good energy. It seems very stagnant, though. The verses don't really seem to move anywhere, the chorus is just sitting there. This song is still. I don't know if that's a bad thing. lol this guy's voice. I cannot understand a word. What? It's already over. That was abrupt.


    8. Beaten Roads

    yeah, Chris Brown is an asshole.

    Robot voice? Was it speaking French? Okay, rewind. Oh... "are you ready to have some fun" Is that what you call this? Interesting.

    The guitar reminds me of something else (is that the 50th time I've said this, now?) What, drums and speaking. Oooh, I hear the fuck-word! That was random.

    I keep hearing "life is a gator." Okay, coda thing. GRUNT UUGHUH. Yeah, my attention span is gone.

    Is this an almost real guitar solo I hear? Yes? Okay, this song has dissociative identity disorder. Either go nu metal or power metal. No, you can't do both. That's against the rules.

    And already, it's over again. Solid 3/5, not too boring, not too interesting.

    9. One Day

    Electronicish guitary. This guy, I can't even. He may be speaking gibberish. I actually kind of like this, even though it's the same as all of their other tracks almost. This is a more uptempo track, thank you for that, I was getting very bored. Not to say this isn't boring. Actually, no, it's not. I don't find my mind wandering as much as on the other tracks. But again, this is too top heavy. There is all treble. And AGAIN, it's over. No wind down or anything. Okay then...


    10. Buried In You

    The name of this sounds like it could be a track from My Chemical Romance. or The National. Anyway, it sounds either very emo or very hipster/indie.

    And it starts with the same indistinct guitar strumming. Okay, synthy stuff is coming in. Is there hope? ~30 seconds in and I think I like it. I kind of want to dance again. This is very alternative/nu metaly, but hunybadger don't care, I like this. Yeah, this is definitely something a 14 year old boy who thinks he is "hard" would listen to.

    Okay, back to the song. This isn't bad. I'm sure a lot of people would hate it though. A true Amaranthey track.


    11. Walk-On Actor

    Okay, the tracks kind of faded into each other. Better than a sudden dropoff, though. It's very... Musey? I'm getting a little of that vibe from the intro. Or kind of Camouflageish. Hmm. I do like it. The guitar pattern really carries the song. I don't think this should be the closing track, because it's definitely top 3 material. Or maybe that's a good reason for it to close. I don't know, I'm not an expert on track placement. I hardly ever listen to albums all the way in order other than the first time I listen to them.

    I don't exactly know how the title relates to this, though. I'm clearly not philosophical enough to understand. This again is a more alternative metal kind of track. All of this album has been very rhythm guitar driven, which I guess is okay. At least it's consistent. So if you like that kind of thing, this band may not be bad to check out. I do like it sometimes.

    Haha, I just noticed this track is eight minutes long. Okay, that doesn't seem too bad, because at least it's not feeling drawn out, and I'm not bored yet, so good signs. (I'm at like 5:30 right now)

    It's slowing down. I guess it's just a coda because it's picking up again. I don't really have much else to say at this point, except I have no idea why their top tag is "melodic death metal" but that's Amaranthe's too, so I guess that's just what they decided to label this shit. Okay, the track is fading out now. Still 30 seconds left. 15 seconds left and... Morse code? Someone transcribe this. I'm not in the Navy nor a telegraph operator, I don't have a clue what this is saying. Maybe I'll Google it. Naa, too much work.

    Huh... 3.7/5 for that beast.

    OMG IT'S OVER. This band is very interesting. This album is somewhat different from their other one I've listened to. There are some really great songs on this album, a lot of extremely mediocre ones, and some fucking horrible pieces of crap. I would recommend giving them a listen if you enjoy Amaranthe, because it's really the best thing to which they compare. Okay, time to paste this and see how many red squiggles there are. I'm sure a lot. Even with each word spelled correctly, none of this will probably make sense. But as I said, I'm a bored, pathetic person and this is the unproductive way in which I spend my life.