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5. Morrissey– Going down in musical history.
Witty. Charming. a Rubber Ring. Intelligent. Wonderful, Roaring and Gay! There are plenty of terms one can use to describe the Man who put the M in Manchester, the former leadsinger of The Smiths. On the other hand, there isn’t much people can say about the jerk that is Steven Patrick . Oh, except that he’s maybe racist (now there’s a discussion that never gets old, isn’t there?), his former band mates refuse to speak to him and that he once said that, if provided only one bullet, he’d line up Robert and Mark E. “so that one bullet penetrated both simultaneously.” Also, according to Patrick Krief (The Dears) Morrissey doesn’t want people to directly look at him. If that’s true, his attitude’s gotten bigger than the size of his hair in the eighties, and that’s saying something. Well, I Wonder: has the fame gone straight to Mozzer’s head, or is he just sick and cruel instead?
4. Lou Reed – You're right and Lou's wrong.
A legend for legends. The Rolling Stones, Patti Smith, David Bowie and The Stooges cite the Velvet Underground as an influence. But Lou’s work appeals to everyone: even 12 year old girls who bought the Warhol Banana T-shirt after lyke, oh my god, seeing Mary-Kate has lyke that tshirt, know who the man is! (It should be noted though that most of them think his name is Nico.) Laurie has put up with him for many years, yet there are many sources that say that he’s a horrible, horrible man.
3. Liam and Noel Gallagher – Spreading the word all around the world.
Once upon a time, when princes lived in faraway kingdoms, princesses slept on peas and Oasis were a beginning band, the Gallagher brothers were just as cocky as they were after selling millions of albums. It got juicier after their success though, we heard them bashing The Rolling Stones, Blur, U2, Blur, Americans, Blur, God, Blur, The Backstreet Boys and Blur amongst others. Noel, known for his arrogance, bragged about how he wrote ‘Supersonic’ in 4 minutes and 44 seconds, which obviously proves that he’s a.. well, whichever you prefer, really!
2. Johnny Borrell- knows who he is and he knows what he’s not.
There were numerous people who thought that Johnny Borrell from Razorlight was an obnoxious twat, which is why I feel h deserves the second place. Why is he such a git, you ask? Well, I reckon it’s safe to say that half of all the Johnny haters are Kooks-fangirls who got a wee bit ticked off when Johnny compared the Kooks to fucking Avril Lavigne. The other 50 % just laugh at Johnny, the self-proclaimed songwriter of our generation who wrote the classic “I got the movie script, but I dunno what it meant.” In your face, Mr. Tambourine Man! Funnily enough, The number of people who think Johnny Borrell is a sheer musical genius, however, is limited to.. Johnny Borrell. There’s still hope Johnny, be good and control your ego. It will probably make you seem less of an arsehat.
1. Bono- still hasn't found what he's looking for.
This “Bono sucks” thing is getting fairly boring, but good heavens, the “Bono is God” statements are possibly even lamer. Oh absolutely, I admit the man is trying to help people, whether it be for the wrong reasons or not, whether he’s a hypocrite or not, at least he’s trying to change someone’s life for the better, which is more than most people can say, really. And even though U2 isn’t really my cup o’ tea, they do have a few decent songs, but let’s stop pretending that Bono is the new messiah, or a musical pope for that matter, shall we?
So now I'm absolutely fed up with Bono. Why, why, why, I ask you, WHY does Bono speak about Joe Strummer / The Clash in a way that always makes me want to go and buy a cat just so I can strangle it?
From “The Future is Unwritten”, a documentary about Joe Strummer: It’s night. A campfire has been lit at a beach or somewhere. Now Imagine Bono sitting next to that fire – WEARING SHADES. He looks straight at the camera, his face completely deadpan, and delivers the following semi-spontaneous line: “If the Clash could do it, *YOU* could do it.” It’s not just the fake undertone in the way he says it, it’s just his entire persona that makes me cringe.
Next messiah: *