Alright, listen up fuckos.
So, you like music? Wrong. You hate music. Music is the bane of your existence, until introduced to the almighty musical raptor god,
Devin Townsend.
Heard of him? Possibly. Heard of
Strapping Young Lad? Probably. Devin Townsend had the role of vocals, guitars and keyboards in Strapping Young Lad. Heard of
Steve Vai? Yeah, terrible music, besides the Sex & Religion album where Devin premiered.
Anything Devin Townsend, or HevyDevy, touches turns to gold. Got a fucking shitty guitar that doesn't make the whammy sound you want it to? Hand it to Devin and listen to it now. It's a shame you won't be able to play the sound like Devin, but hey, at least you know your shitty piece of shit guitar is working. Does your voice suck? Yes. Yes it does, nothing we can do about that unless Devin licks the inside of your throat, but let's face it he doesn't have the time for you and your problems.
So here is what we are going to do since you don't have the mind to play good music like Devin Townsend. The beauty of it all is you only have to listen, not play it. You can sing it if you want, in fact, I encourage it. Devin's lyrics are also gold, and as long as you can pronounce the words worth a shit you are quite welcome to scream the wax out of my ear. So, we are going to get you into Devin Townsend, it's easy work, but you are most likely to lazy to find a pot of gold at the end of the metal rainbow.
I had Devin Townsend in my library for some time before I actually began to have orgasms to his music. I had Accelerated Evolution and Synchestra at first, both two amazing albums, as is all of his work. The majority of this time I was deep into doom metal, and a lot of gothic metal. I could not stop scrobbling some of this music to listen to some guy with a skullet producing the most influential music known to man. I remember, it was during March of 2009 I decided to take a break from my "
Moonspell", "
Tiamat", and "
The Project Hate MCMXCIX" and put my library of 9,500 songs on shuffle. I didn't much care about changing tracks if they sucked, I was playing World of Warcraft, and fuck, any music was acceptable. Except hip hop. And country. And well, most music that was never really in my library.
After scrobbling through some crap, crap, and more crap, the song "Notes From Africa" came on. The intro was quite long, but also very exciting. Then the vocals came into play. Stunning, those HevyDevy vocals. I was literally speechless, and was quick to explore the rest of his music. What I got, was every track brilliant and unique. A well needed change to my ears, and I grew even more obsessed when I learned about his character. A whacky fellow, as Devin calls himself "A froot loop." But he had a hippy side to him... the drugs, the laid back style, a philosophy of higher intelligence. Not that far from me! Or, rather, what I wanted to be! I became more like him as I drowned in his music. I became the laid back, uncaring guy I wanted to be. Anyway, I began to watch some of his videos. Vampira was probably the second song I listened to by him, besides
Ayreon's "Day Sixteen: Loser" where he had a role. Vampira's music video was odd and humorous, to say the least. Taking place in a comic book, and the motions Devin made reminded me of Moonspell's "Scorpion Flower" video.
Progressing further...
I explored the intarwebz further for information of this canadian metal god. After reading many articles of interest, I found myself buying his merchandise. I remember the day I heard "Terria" and "Ocean Machine" ... Man, I was in a trance. Playing back the songs 10 times, taking them in.
So here's what I'm going to tell you to do.
Like really heavy music?
Start out with albums like "Physicist" and "Ziltoid the Omniscient"
Two amazing, very heavy albums. Also all of Strapping Young Lad's work. Well, maybe not Satan's Ice Cream Truck.
Sort of the soft, pussy side of music?
I assure you, nothing is pussy about Devin's softer work. Though all the soft music you have is pussy shit. Anyway, songs on Terria and Ocean Machine are pretty good for this starting point. Songs like "Nobody's Here", "Stagnant", and "Life". Also, Devin Townsends most recent release "Ki" is a very chill album
Let's say you like the sounds of nature. You have no taste in music, so you listen to CD's with the sounds of the ocean, and birds, and lamo stuff like that. Devin has music for that to. Two notable ambient albums: Hummer, and Devlab. These albums are fantastic for quiet moments, or when you need to get some sleep.
Okay, so you are into a more upbeat poppish side of music? Well guess what: Christeen. Yeah, allusions to The Phantom of the Opera. Infinity is the album for you. Do me a favor, actually. When you listen to this CD, listen to the song "Ants" first. Also, from the album "Synchestra" is Sunshine and Happiness! Also check out Slow Me Down from "Accelerated Evolution".
Into funny music? First of all, fuck you. Second, he does that to. Take a listen to "Roadkill" from his Ass Sordid Demos.
Punk? Yeah, I said it. Punk music. Devin Townsend is truly a genius, making the best punk music in the known universe. "Cooked on Phonics" from Devin's punk project "
Punky Brüster" is a genius album, playing hysterical punk music making fun of punk music. The album is a concept, so listen to it in order so you understand it.
Alright, now. You just read my wall of text, unbelievable. Now for some earpicked top tracks. Also known as my personal favorites.
Slow Me Down (Accelerated Evolution)
Storm (Accelerated Evolution)
Christeen (Infinity)
Bad Devil (Infinity)
War (Infinity)
Wild Colonial Boy (Infinity)
Life (Ocean Machine)
Night (Ocean Machine)
Things Beyond Things (Ocean Machine)
Material (Physicist)
Namaste (Physicist)
Kingdom (Physicist)
Vampira (Synchestra)
Notes From Africa (Synchestra)
Sunshine and Happiness (Synchestra)
Earth Day (Terria)
Nobody's Here (Terria)
Stagnant (Terria)
Hyperdrive (Ziltoid the Omniscient)
Ziltoidia Attaxx!!! (Ziltoid the Omniscient)
Coast (Ki)
Terminal (Ki)