Lulu Sucks

the following is my review, yes, this album sucks but my review does not define the groups purpose, if you don't like it, this is the one to join.

This album... is terrible. lol in simple words that's what i could tell you face to face, elaboration simply not needed, well ill make an exception. I HAD to make this group, if it wasn't me it would be someone else, go figure. now i won't rule out Lou reed as a bad artist, the evidence is is clear that he was ABLE to sing and put a real tune together when he was younger, but that is not the current topic here. its all very sad because i have never made a group about hating an album or artist, its just not how i roll. and yes, before you hate me, i am guilty, but i just switched off, went asleep, died, or something of the latter. i just could not reach the end of the album, its just a mix of torture and mindless boredom and something else that i find to be mysteriously disturbing, you tell me.. read further.... IF YOU DARE! mwahahahah ;{

initially I had high hopes because Metallica is a great band and ive had BEEF with them for years and years, even when i had my apple ipod in 2005, they were on there up with my other fav band, slipknot.. i now own all their albums and its great hearing tracks i didnt know by them before but i digress... this? what the hell were they smoking? someone needs to ask it.. and my first thoughts when hearing about it were "who the hell is Lou Reed? then other questions popped in mind, like "is this REALLY music??!?" because i was seriously trying to figure out what was going on.

i want to be brief because i don't want to bore you silly, but these are some of the WORST lyrics, ever made. i am convinced. if not totally embarrassed at the same time, this is the porn of music, but the bad kind ..when a guy ruins it. I know that is a bad example but eugh.. some of it gave me bad images in my head.. the opening lyric on the very first track "i would cut my legs and tits off" ......WTF!?

then as i revise these lyrics, Lou talks about.. i dont know!!! they dont make any goddam sense and then came a huge headache trying to understand them, well see for yourself http://www.songlyrics.com/lou-reed-and-metallica/brandenburg-gate-lyrics/ and thats only 1 SONG!! however i thought brandenburg gate had a good hard rock feel to it and a memorable lyric of "i am the table!" from James Hetfield which i thought was very cool. but its all gravy from there..

and its not just the lyrics, Lou, as mentioned before, is by far the worst offender as he just rambles, hes not singing, or screaming OR using any vocal style whatsoever, on most of these tracks.. hes just moaning about what seems to be, his Day Job at Walmart.. but whatever for? surely he must have had success in The Velvet underground and on his own, this WAS a man of talent after all, i mean you don't just "get" fans for no good reason.. but anyway.. can it get worse? yes, read further !

The PAINFUL length of the album weighs in at a hefty 1.3 hours!!! bro i could watch a decent movie in that time! where was the need to extend the songs so much? all these unanswered questions...

Then Metallica add insult to my (already) injured ears by playing really slow and dumb riffs and it almost feels like its deliberate or going back to practicing like children, they have done and can do, so much better!!!!!!.... its like everyone from metallica got stoned.... and thought it would be "cool to jam out" ... and lou reed somehow stumbles in the room stone drunk out of his mind and says "hey yall can i join in? i got some blood in my arms and i wanna pump it around y'know? overall inappropriate time and place, most of it sounds like an accidental recording when Lou finally put his empty Jack Daniels bottle down, he dropped the bottle on the record button by mistake.

The Thing That Should Not Be.

I thought "open mindedness" was a good thing... but holy Jesus!, if you want assisted suicide without the presence of your local euthanasia doctor or family member, this album is your ticket out of here. hey it will be a bit cheaper as well lol but there is one thing i will say, don't think lou reed sucks and write him off when you haven't visited his earlier music, i'm not saying you should like the more oldskool lou reed, but you will hear that he doesn't have the shadow of former-self, he IS the former-self, at the top of his game.
its more of coincidence that Lou Reeds age has affected the sound so much, if metallica got him at his peek, then this could have been more interesting and a worthwhile masterpiece with proper substance to make that true, but as it stands, its a shame and unbelievable disappointment for two great musicians.

0.5/5 star